Roast My Crypto Portfolio

The Portfolio Roast tool is a fun, shareable way to get honest feedback about your crypto allocation. Enter your holdings (what percentage of your portfolio is in Bitcoin, Ethereum, meme coins, stablecoins, etc.) and receive a grade from A to F, a portfolio archetype (like 'The Maxi' or 'The Degen'), and brutally honest commentary about your choices. It's part entertainment, part education — the roasts are funny but the advice is real.

No. The Portfolio Roast is for entertainment and educational purposes only. The roasts are humorous and the grades are based on general principles of diversification and risk management — not personalized financial advice. That said, the actual advice sections do reflect widely accepted portfolio construction principles. Always do your own research and consider consulting a financial advisor for personalized guidance.

While there's no universally perfect allocation, most frameworks recommend: 40-60% in Bitcoin as the foundation, 15-25% in Ethereum for smart contract exposure, 5-15% in select altcoins you have conviction in, 5-10% in stablecoins as 'dry powder' for buying dips, and no more than 5-10% in speculative/meme coins. The right allocation depends on your risk tolerance, time horizon, and investment goals.